International Day for Tolerance: why sitting at the same table still worksAnd the meal to plan this week

Tolerance sounds like putting up with people. The declaration behind this day means something warmer, and the research behind it points to something simple: sitting down together.

On November 16, 1995, UNESCO’s member states adopted the Declaration of Principles on Tolerance. It closed the United Nations Year for Tolerance, which the General Assembly had proclaimed two years earlier. In 1996, the General Assembly asked every member state to mark November 16 each year, with activities in schools and for the wider public.

The declaration defines tolerance as respect, acceptance and appreciation of the rich diversity of the world’s cultures. It also says tolerance is not indulgence or indifference. It isn’t a shrug. It’s work.

The best evidence comes from one idea: meeting each other. In 2006, psychologists Thomas Pettigrew and Linda Tropp published a review in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that pulled together 515 studies, with more than 250,000 people in 38 countries. They concluded that contact between groups typically reduces prejudice. In 94 percent of the studies, more contact went with less prejudice. The effect was stronger in the more rigorous experiments, and it held for many kinds of groups, not just race and ethnicity.

Later work by Miles Hewstone and others found that friendship across groups is among the strongest forms of contact. Passing someone on the street isn’t enough. Sharing time is what counts.

There’s no fixed custom for November 16, but many traditions already have the practice built in:

• The open table. Sikh gurdwaras serve langar, a free meal where anyone sits on the floor and eats the same food, whatever their faith or background.

• The invited guest. Many families invite neighbors of other faiths to festival meals, like an iftar during Ramadan, a Diwali dinner, or a Christmas lunch.

• Shared work. Volunteering side by side counts too. The research found contact works best when people meet as equals around a shared goal.

Plan one meal this week with someone from a background different from yours.

1. Pick someone you already know a little: a coworker, a neighbor, a parent from your child’s school.

2. Make it simple: tea, a takeaway lunch, or a dish from each of your homes.

3. Ask one question you’ve never asked them: “What’s a festival your family keeps that I’d never have heard of?”

The research doesn’t promise one lunch will change the world. It does suggest that this is how it changes.

Inside Ritual OS

Practices with a name and a home

Ritual OS matches you with short practices from the world’s traditions, each named with its tradition and where it’s from, so you learn where a practice comes from before you keep it. You can do them alone or with other people.

Real screens from the Ritual OS iPhone beta.

Inside Kithmark

Closer to someone new

Kithmark opens with four ways in. One of them is “I want to be closer to someone.” The People map shows where everyone in your circle is, with their local time.

Real screens from the Kithmark iPhone beta. Free in the iPhone beta. Android coming soon.

How our apps help

Ritual OS matches you with short practices from the world’s traditions, each named with where it comes from, and adapts them week by week. Kithmark helps with the friendships that cross the table: start from “I want to be closer to someone,” and keep a private record of how things stand, in plain words, never scores.